Brief eines Bayern an die NASA
Greet God!
I write you, because you must help me. I have seen your Space Shuttle in the television. In color. And so came me the idea to make holidays in the world-room. Alone. Without my crazy wife.
I am the Kraxlhuber. The King of Bavaria was my clock-clock grandfather.
I stand on a very bad foot with my wife. Always she shouts with me. She has a
shrill voice like a circle saw. She lets no good hair on me. She says, I am a
Schlapp-tail.
She wants that I become Bürgermaster. But I want not be Bürgermaster. I have
nothing at the hat with the political shit.
I want my Ruah. And so I want make holidays on the moon. Without my bad half.
But I take my dog with me. He is a boxer. His name is Wurstl. So I want book a
flight in your next Space Shuttle. But please give me not a window place. I would
kotz you the rocket full, because I am not swindle-free. And no standing-place
please.
And please do not tell my wife that I want go alone. She has a big Schrot-gun.
She would make a sieve from my ass.
I need not much comfort. A nice double-room with bath and klo and heating. And
windows with look to the earth. So I can look through my far-glass and see my
wife working on the potatoe field. And I and my dog laugh us a branch. We will
kringel ourself before laughing.
Is what loose on the moon? I need warm weather and I hope the sun shines every
day.
This is very good for my frost-boils.
I need not much. A good bread-time, a good Hax'n and a Mass beer. Have they
chew-tobacco on the moon? If not I bring it with. Is in the rocket place for my
drive wheel?
Tell the man of the moon that I come. I hope he has no wife. We can make
out-flights with my drive wheel. We can make craterwandering. I bring him the
Bavarian national hymn bei. We can make tobacco chewing. We can drink a lot of
hop-blossom-tea. I hope he is no Preiß!! We can spuck around the bet. We can
make finger-hooking.
I bring the Bavarian flag with and we can dance shoeplattler around it.
Have they many flies on the moon? If yes, I bring my weather-frog with. He will
get fat like a otter.
I want make 5 weeks holidays. When you have no new rocket after the five weeks,
I wait for the next rain-bend and drive with my Radl.
Please make me a good price - under good friends. I cannot pay so peppered prices
because my pocket money is not so much. Send your answer to my neighbour
Wastl Hintermoser.
With friendly Servus
Your Xaver Kraxlhuber
PS: I don't fly when is full-moon. My dog, this big-Bazi, becomes always epileptic and makes so much noise.